Ah, fall. That magical time of year when the air turns crisp, leaves turn golden, and you finally get to wear that flannel you bought in a burst of optimism. Well… unless you live in Louisiana.

Here in the Bayou State, “fall” isn’t so much a season as it is a rumor—something we heard about once from a friend of a friend who moved to Vermont. We don’t really get fall. We get about three and a half days of slightly cooler weather sandwiched between “Hotter Than Satan’s Sauna” and “Surprise, It’s Mardi Gras Again.”

The Signs of Louisiana Fall

Pumpkin Spice vs. Humidity: Sure, you can grab a pumpkin spice latte, but you’ll be drinking it while sweating through your Halloween costume. Nothing like sipping hot coffee in 92-degree weather while swatting at mosquitoes the size of hummingbirds.

Leaves Changing Color? More like leaves going from green to brown overnight, then falling directly into your crawfish boil.

Wardrobe Confusion: It’s 65 degrees in the morning, so you throw on jeans and a jacket. By noon, it’s 87, and you’re regretting every life choice that led you here.

Our Version of “Crisp Air”

Other states get crisp, dry air in the fall. We get “crisp” in the sense that the air is thick enough to chew. It’s like breathing through a hot wet towel—but hey, at least it’s a slightly cooler towel than it was in July.

Why We Still Love It

Despite all this, Louisianans adore fall. It means football season, gumbo pots simmering on the stove, and finally sitting outside without bursting into flames. And when that first chilly front blows through—by chilly, we mean 72 degrees—we all act like we’re starring in a Hallmark Christmas movie.